I lied..It is not okay.

I think the worst part of Evan having autism for me has been the fact that I find it really hard to be honest even with those closest to me.

 To the outside world I cope, I am very relaxed about the fact my only child was diagnosed with a life long developmental disability at the age of three.

I am ok with the sleep deprivation,he has never slept through the night.

I am ok that my son bites me and pulls my hair out.

I am fine about the fact that my son smears his excrement on himself and on the walls of my house.

I even seem ok that he no longer goes to school and that I teach him myself.

The truth is…….

I am just like you

I did not expect this, I was not prepared for it, I didnt get any pre warning and I am not super human.

I miss being me.

I miss life before autism.

I need people to get it, to understand that I never signed up for this….

Don’t judge

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4 Responses to I lied..It is not okay.

  1. Yvonne Frost says:

    Some one I didn’t know and who I’d never met before gave me some aromatherpy bath salts at a craft fair the other day when they heard my son was autistic. That simple act of kindness made me cry but it also showed me how our special children can bring out the very best in human nature!

    • Lin says:

      I have met some fantastic people that i would never have met,(yourself included)and I feel humbled by the struggles of others. I Have been feeling realy angry lately and confussed.I find it hard to say what i feel as it changes sometimes by the hour!!

  2. janet bury says:

    What i really like Lin is you are so honest, it isnt okay really but Ev is very special and he has a very special mother who will do her very best even though its not okay x

  3. Debbie W says:

    Lin I get it, I have these feelings most days too and like you they change by the hour. As you know my lad isnt Autistic but has a diagnosis of ADHD – almost worse to be honest cause people don’t get it. They still consider it naughty boy/girl syndrome, bad parents, bad food. Their ignorance bugs the tits off me lol. To top it all we believe he also has ODD, things lately have been challenging to say the least, he would argue black was white, no is his favourite word, the backchat and rudeness is beyond belief. And his joy in destroying stuff and not being bothered about it is infuriating, and like you I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR THIS. Big hugs to you honey and really would love to come and spend some time with you and Evan, those fells sound like the perfect place for Jack to lose some energy………………

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