Bouncing back.

 

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Evan has now settled brilliantly into the new house and appears to be extremely happy.

I still bare the emotional scars from our first night and  have been on a rollercoaster of internal turmoil since, trying to make sense of my feelings.

I can’t lie. I felt utter desperation

This was new to me.

Although any thoughts of running away and abandoning everything were a knee jerk in a crisis, acknowledging I felt like that, albeit extremely briefly, left me with  an overwhelming sense of guilt that stayed with me for days.

We have had much tougher times over the years.

That night was nothing special and certainly no surprise.

I am unsure as to why I felt so helpless and the feelings were so intense, perhaps the pot was just simply full and 10 years of conflicting emotions came pouring forth.

I am not sure it matters.

I am back now.

Over the last week I have given a great deal of thought to my life

I sat down and thought long and hard about what I would change if money were no object and anything were possible.

I recognised I have brilliant friends, live in one of the most beautiful areas in the country, I laugh a lot everyday and get to spend quality time with Evan making memories on a daily basis and I get to enjoy the freedom of the hills.

I remembered I am very happy and very lucky.

Evan might find life hard at times but he is truly inspirational and together we are an incredible team.

I also noted I drive a rubbish car!

If money were no object and anything were possible. I wouldn’t drive a Panda!

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